Cath Sheard Art

Blog

  • A bit of distraction

    A bit of distraction

    This week has been taken up with preparation for Alan’s mother Mary’s funeral. She passed away at 96 after a life well lived. In between all the preparation and time spent with family, I’ve been keeping my hands busy because it’s good for me to have downtime. As one of life’s true introverts, as much as I enjoy seeing family, I need time out.

    I’ve been experimenting with gouache. I got a few given to me last year, and bought a few at Christmas time. I love the vivid colors, they’re just beautiful. What I hadn’t appreciated is they re-wet, so it’s easy to end up with mud or pick up previous layers too. I’m not sure I’m going to enjoy them that much overall, despite the colors. I’ve been playing around with really loose mark making. I love Cy Twombly’s work for his expressive paint application and the fact he includes loose handwriting. I’ve been re-reading a book about his work, and I can see his influence in what I’ve been doing this week.

    Compared by reading about Cy Twombly’s work
    A failed gelli print I sprayed gloss acrylic onto & now like!
    Testing gouache
    Testing gouache

  • Love and loss

    Alan’s Mum and Dad moved from their farm to a house on the outskirts of Hāwera, then eventually to a rest home suite after Ian’s dementia made staying home unsafe. Oddly, it was the same suite I bought for Aunt J when I moved her into care due to dementia about 16 years ago.

    Alan’s Dad passed away 6 years ago, in late July. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with Mary as she’d suddenly deteriorated. She was sleeping comfortably thanks to good drug control. I sat with her, talking to her occasionally, and keeping my hands busy with an art journal. I intended going back today but early this morning Mary died peacefully.

    I’ve known them almost my whole life. Dad and Ian were friends – they hunted together and Dad went out to the farm as often as he could. He loved helping with outdoor work, especially things like haymaking. Mary used to say that I was about 2 when we started visiting them.

    I don’t have a lot of memories from my childhood, but I do remember sleeping in a big bed with a pink floral bedspread when I stayed at the farm as small child. I mentioned it to one of Alan’s family members once, and they paused and said, “You think that was MaryRose’s bed, but it wasn’t. It was Mum and Dad’s, and no one got to sleep in it!

    It’s a particularly lovely memory because Ian was one of the few men who I trusted wholeheartedly. Mary has waited a long time to join Ian. I’m pleased she’s finally reunited with him, Lyall, Robbie, and her other family members. Rest in peace, Mary.

    Footnote: it was hard sitting with her yesterday. It’s only 8 months since Tony died and it was all too familiar. But we only grieve because we love, and it’s a privilege to be with people in their final days if you have it in you. Not everyone can, and that’s ok…

  • Pōhutukawa – remembering

    In New Zealand we celebrate Matariki, and as part of that there are various ceremonies. Last night was centred on the star Pōhutukawa. The Pōhutukawa is also our Christmas tree and the tree of remembrance. People gather to honour and remember those who have died in the previous year.

    It’s eight months since Tony died. I think of him all the time, and talk about him with a few people. I had a lot of support in the years he was sick, and it was good to share that journey. I couldn’t have got through without the support, and know others facing the same situation appreciated my openness.

    But my grief? That’s mine. I share little bits of it, but mainly hold it close.

    Last night I messaged Tony’s daughter Yasmine to tell her I’d learnt about Pōhutukawa at work in a te reo Māori class. We talked about when she and Rory visited and I took a photo of the three generations together under the huge Pōhutukawa tree in our front yard. It’s good Yasmine and I can talk about Tony and keep the memories alive.

  • Far less abstract

    Far less abstract

    In my last post, I said I’d realised recent paintings are about the sea and water. The works I’ve been doing on canvas are abstract but, to my mind anyway, have a clear subject.

    At the weekend, I started using images of Mana Bay at Pātea Beach. I was playing with the Kuretake Gansai Tambi watercolours, acrylic inks, and Neocolour II water soluble crayons. I follow Orla Stevens on YouTube and a recent video inspired me to work freer in how I mix my mixed media…

    I found myself doing some quite realistic work, or realistic by my standards anyway. It’s interesting to see my brain swap between abstract, semi-abstract and realism. I think the switch happens when a topic has really grabbed me and I’m in the early stages of exploring where I might go with it.

  • The sea is on my mind

    The sea is on my mind

    My paintings usually reflect the land, both seen and remembered. They’re abstract or semi-abstract works about vision, memory, and feelings. They reflect my inner landscape as much as the actual landscape.

    Sometimes I produce work after work without being sure what they’re about. I just keep going, confident I’ll know in time. There have been times when others have recognised the subject before me.

    A long time ago I was showing my sister’s ex-husband a series of works. He said, “so you’re painting the Pātea freezing works and cool stores”. I could see it once he’d named it. He’d worked there as a uni student and recognised the buildings.

    In other cases it’s only by painting and painting and painting that I come to know. A couple of years ago I consistently painted the same general landform and a shape that was clearly a cross or sword. Eventually I knew … long story.

    I started a large canvas a couple of weeks ago and add to it whenever I see/feel something it needs. Today I started a second, smaller canvas, and found myself using the same colour palette and marks. Why? What does it represent?

    It’s the sea! I feel there’s a couple of drivers. I’m working on Bird Flu prep at work, so thinking about sea birds, the shoreline, and impact on sea mammals. We’ve had some big storms, and I’ve been thinking about climate change and the way the sea is changing. My brain’s way of processing it is to get it out onto paint or canvas.

    How the it looked a couple of days ago
    How’s it’s looking now
    Early layers on a smaller work